Tuesday, February 19, 2002
Wow. I have been pretty busy today. Lots of work to do and so much more to go. Last night, Kelly, Rita and I had a wonderful time together. We originally planned on going to this local bar in Queens, but we never found it. Then I had to piss real bad and forced us to go home as quickly as possible so I could relieve myself. Ahhhh....it felt so good. Kind of like an orgasm. Funny how that is.
After the pseudo-orgasm, Kelly, Rita and I sat around and debated the career of Britney Spears, over a glass of wine. We spoke on this topic for close to an hour, when finally we decided that Brit could really go either way at this point. She will either end up as the next Madonna, or she will stay on the path that she is going and end up as the joke of modern society. I was very impressed at Kelly's opinions on the subject. She, being someone who adores the fuck out of Britney, was able to take a very neutral and open-minded stance on the future success of this popstar. Kelly didn't feel the need to convince us of Britney's worth and thus opened up the conversation to new levels. It was fun and I definitely enjoyed having a semi-political debate on Brit.
Yesterday I felt as though Paul and I were doomed. I was convinced that he and I were traveling down different paths and that the only possible end result was a nasty break-up. I was so confused and scared. I believed so much in the demise of our relationship that I was already planning what to say to him. Then he called me at 1:30am and woke me up out of a deep sleep and was so damn adorable that I was able to find that spot for him that I thought was lost forever. Damn, I am so not good at commitment of any form. It scares the piss out of me. And the other problem is that I follow my heart soley. I never listen to what my head tells me. I should try to combine the two, but I predominately go with what I feel.
I do love him. Or at least I think I do. But what do I do if I can't figure out how to move forward from the point we are at now? Is he going to move here? If so, what if we break up? Are we ever going to get close enough that we actually make love? If we don't, when will I ever lose my virginity? I am almost 25! :(
So many things to riddle my brain. I just wish that I had the capability of sitting back and letting go. Cuz if I could do just that...who knows the levels that this relationship could break?
After the pseudo-orgasm, Kelly, Rita and I sat around and debated the career of Britney Spears, over a glass of wine. We spoke on this topic for close to an hour, when finally we decided that Brit could really go either way at this point. She will either end up as the next Madonna, or she will stay on the path that she is going and end up as the joke of modern society. I was very impressed at Kelly's opinions on the subject. She, being someone who adores the fuck out of Britney, was able to take a very neutral and open-minded stance on the future success of this popstar. Kelly didn't feel the need to convince us of Britney's worth and thus opened up the conversation to new levels. It was fun and I definitely enjoyed having a semi-political debate on Brit.
Yesterday I felt as though Paul and I were doomed. I was convinced that he and I were traveling down different paths and that the only possible end result was a nasty break-up. I was so confused and scared. I believed so much in the demise of our relationship that I was already planning what to say to him. Then he called me at 1:30am and woke me up out of a deep sleep and was so damn adorable that I was able to find that spot for him that I thought was lost forever. Damn, I am so not good at commitment of any form. It scares the piss out of me. And the other problem is that I follow my heart soley. I never listen to what my head tells me. I should try to combine the two, but I predominately go with what I feel.
I do love him. Or at least I think I do. But what do I do if I can't figure out how to move forward from the point we are at now? Is he going to move here? If so, what if we break up? Are we ever going to get close enough that we actually make love? If we don't, when will I ever lose my virginity? I am almost 25! :(
So many things to riddle my brain. I just wish that I had the capability of sitting back and letting go. Cuz if I could do just that...who knows the levels that this relationship could break?
